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A Google I/O conversation

Hey Google, what happened at Google I/O today?

Artificial intelligence.

Okay, that’s non-specific. I heard Android P was released today. What’s new?

Artificial intelligence.

Hmm. Has Google added any features to make battery life longer on Android?

Artificial intelligence.

Let’s move on. What about the brightness settings? I heard there was something new there too?

Artificial intelligence.

How the hell can brightness use artificial intelligence? And why do you only say one thing? Let’s move on to some apps. What’s new with Google Maps?

Artificial intelligence.

Photos?

Artificial intelligence.

Lens?

Artificial intelligence.

News?

Artificial intelligence.

Gmail?

Artificial intelligence.

Gboard?

Artificial intelligence.

You are the worst assistant ever. Did Google update Assistant at all?

Artificial intelligence.

Argh. I heard Google released a lot of dev tools today. What’s ML Kit about?

Artificial intelligence.

And Duplex?

Artificial intelligence.

And tensor processing un…you know never mind. I get the damn picture. At least you still call Google Research Google Research right?

Artificial intelligence.

No, it’s called Google Research.

Artificial intelligence.

Dammit they rebranded. You know, you are the very definition of a PR drone.

Artificial intelligence.

Wait, you’re not human?

Artificial intelligence.

You pass the Turing test.

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